Lose Control
by Specter-Paulsen
Summary: RE-POST! Harvey finally makes a move. Set at a random time somewhere before 8.16.


"You need to tell Donna how you feel."

The words themselves weren't surprising. But the person they were coming from was.

Louis had never made a secret of the fact that he thought Donna was too good for Harvey. But when those words fell from his lips, Harvey was stunned.

"Louis, I-"

"She's on a date tonight. I know you don't want that. So stop her. _Tell her_."

* * *

Donna was enjoying her date. This guy was nice, he was charming, he was attractive, and she thought that just maybe she might be able to enter into a relationship with him; start to move on with her life again. He was making her laugh, they were flirting, she was enjoying herself. But something in the back of her mind was holding her back.

Harvey.

She hated herself for letting him interrupt the enjoyable time she was having, even if it was only the thought of him. She got lost in her thoughts for a moment, recalling the indescribable feeling of his lips, soft and pliable under hers when she'd kissed him that night in her office. She recalled the moment the shock had worn off and he'd leaned into her, responding to her kiss. But that moment had scared her shitless. Because he was in a relationship. Because he would never cheat. Because he would blame her and hate her for his own response. Because of a thousand other things she didn't want to put a name to. Because his leaning in told her that he wanted this too and she'd suddenly realised she had no idea how to deal with this. So she'd pulled away. She'd apologised, and then she'd _run_.

"Donna?" Her date was looking at her quizzically. "Is everything ok?"

"Sorry, David. Yes, everything's fine." She shook her head slightly, giving him a dazzling smile, throwing herself back into her enjoyment of his company.

Harvey watched Donna from across the room. He'd gone to the restaurant to interrupt the date, to take her home with him, talk things through, spill his feelings to her.

But she was _smiling_. She was laughing, flirting, touching her date's arm, flicking her hair, leaning forward. She was unmistakably interested in this man - this tall, dark stranger she'd met god-knows-where. Harvey shook his head, whirling around and leaving the restaurant. This had been a mistake.

Donna looked up suddenly, her innate Harvey senses kicking in as she glanced across the room, spotting him walking away from her. She pushed her chair back immediately, throwing a hasty excuse at her date as she strode across the room, catching him just outside the revolving door of the restaurant.

"Harvey."

He heard her, of course he did, but he didn't turn around straight away. He stopped dead, his head dropping slightly before turning to her, face impassive, unreadable for the first time since she'd known him.

"Donna."

"What are you doing here?" Her brow knitted in confusion.

"I - I made a mistake." He shook his head just slightly, turning to go.

"What's going on, Harvey?" She caught his hand, both of them looking down immediately, gazes on their touching skin, tension palpable.

"I shouldn't have come here."

"Why _did_ you come here?"

"Louis told me -"

"What? What did Louis tell you?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm leaving." He ripped his hand from hers and strode away. She watched him go, her mouth agape, reminiscent of a time they'd both tried to forget, to push down, to ignore.

Harvey slid smoothly back into the back of his Lexus, barking an order at Ray before settling against the leather seat with a low curse under his breath. He may have just ruined everything by running away. Again.

"I need to leave, I'm sorry." Donna made a lame excuse to her date - _David_, she reminded herself, and rushed out of the restaurant, throwing some bills onto the table to cover her meal. She had a feeling she wouldn't be seeing him again. She hailed a cab outside the restaurant, spitting the address at the driver without a second thought, her heart pounding, her head swimming. This was not how she'd expected this night to go.

* * *

Harvey was two scotches deep when the knocks rang out through his condo. He'd half-expected her, but the sound still took him by surprise. He walked slowly to the door, opening it to find her flushed, breathless and _beautiful_.

"I'm sorry," he said before she could get a word out and he was surprised when nodded her acceptance of the apology. He stepped aside to allow her into the apartment and the clicking of her heels on his wooden flooring had his heart skipping a beat.

"Why were you there tonight, Harvey?" she asked once she'd settled onto his couch. She wasn't angry, she wasn't emotional, she was cool and unnervingly calm.

"I shouldn't have been there."

"That doesn't answer my question. Why were you there?"

"I thought -" he rubbed a hand over his face. "It was stupid, okay?"

"Why were you there, Harvey?" Her voice was still eerily calm, he'd never seen her like this. She stared him down while he fought to find his words, his mouth opening and closing almost comically as he fumbled for an explanation. "I'm not leaving until you tell me."

"I wanted to stop your date." The words spilled out of him reluctantly, his voice softer than usual. She nodded thoughtfully.

"Well, you succeeded."

"I'm sorry."

"You keep apologising but I still don't understand why. Do you regret ending my date for me? Should I call David and go back out to meet him again?"

"No." His answer was fast - too fast. She felt as though she were dealing with a stubborn toddler.

"Why not?"

It was like a dam had burst when she asked that question. Suddenly he couldn't hold back anymore and the words were pouring from his mouth against his will.

"I wanted to stop your date because I don't want you dating someone else. I don't want to see you happy and glowing and smiling because of someone else. _I _want to be the one to put that look on your face. _I_ want to be the one you come home to at night. _I_ want to be the one you wake up to each morning. Me. Not David." He stopped to take a breath and she was still staring him down so her kept going. "I broke up with Paula for you. And not just so I can work with you. When you asked me if I wanted to come in that night, I should have said yes. I should have told you then. I want to be with you. I want everything." He was breathing hard when he finished, the words having spilled out him so quickly, the emotion of the situation overwhelming him. She was still staring at him, but her eyes looked watery and he swallowed hard, praying that she wasn't about to cry.

"Can you say something please?" he begged. "I just put myself out there… I really need you to say something. Tell me to leave, tell me you hate me, just say something." He was pleading with her, long past the point of trying to preserve any dignity. He'd laid everything on the line for her, stripped himself bare emotionally and what she said next would either make or break him.

"I lied to you." Her voice was low and shaky when she finally spoke, trying to keep her emotions in check to say what she needed to say. "When I told you I didn't feel anything when we kissed, I was lying. I felt everything. But I was scared." She swiped at her left eye, stopping a tear from rolling down her cheek.

"Of what?" Harvey prompted gently.

"You'd just said you didn't want more. You were furious, coming at me like I was some sort of home wrecker and I panicked, and I lied." She swallowed, her teary eyes taking him back to a moment in his office four years earlier and he wanted to take her in his arms and never let go.

_"You and Mike and everyone pull these rabbits out of your hats all the time and I just sit outside and answer the phones. And then I got those documents and people said I saved the day. And the next thing I knew you were on my doorstep coming at me like I was some sort of criminal and I panicked, and I lied._"

She'd been crying then too, and he'd handled it like shit. Just like he'd handled the following day, and the night following that too.

_"You know I love you Donna._"

That night still haunted him, versions of it cropping up in his dreams, the memory of it jumping to the forefront of his mind whenever he was anxious or stressed. Running from her after those words had left his lips was his first huge mistake. The second was telling her he'd said it to make her feel better. The third was not fighting hard enough for her when she left him. That night had changed their relationship, ripped them apart, but he finally felt like they were back in a good place. And that could all come crashing if he didn't act carefully.

"I'm sorry I lied." The words tore him out of his memories. Tears were streaming down her face now and Harvey swept her up into his arms, kissing her cheeks, her lips, her eyelids.

"I love you," He whispered. "Everything that's happened before is in the past. I just want to focus on now." He pressed his lips against hers, softly, gently, pouring his emotions into her through their connected mouths. He slid his hands up her sides, one hand landing on her neck, cradling her like a precious and fragile object, which at that moment was exactly what she felt like. She responded to his kiss, her lips reacting to the touch of his, arms winding around his neck as she stepped closer, pressing their bodies together.

Just as suddenly as the kiss had begun, it stopped as Donna pulled away, her eyes searching his.

"Did you say…"

"I love you?" he finished her sentence. "Yes, I did."

"You…" Her eyes were watery again and she drew her bottom lip between her teeth, "do you mean that?"

"Are you serious?" He reached for her hand, pulling her with him to sit by his side on the couch. "Of _course_ I mean it. You think I'd say that to you and not mean it?"

"You've got a bit of a track record…" Donna said tentatively, unsure whether this was a joking moment or not. Harvey looked contrite, embarrassed even, and Donna slid her hand to his thigh, squeezing gently. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you're right. I handled it badly last time." He turned his body to face her, left hand cupping her jaw, his thumb running lightly over the soft skin of her mandible. "But I did mean it. Then _and_ now."

"You really do, huh?" She gazed at him, a smile spreading over her face in wonder.

"Yes, I really do." He couldn't stop the matching smile on his own face as he resisted the temptation to tell her how cute she was. "I love you, Donna."

Donna moved to straddle Harvey's lap, feeling like a teenager in love for the first time. She wound her arms around his neck, grinning like an idiot.

"I love you too," she told him before closing her mouth over his, their noses pressed together, lips dancing sensuously. The kiss started soft, slow, almost tentative, as they tested the waters of their newfound openness, and quickly became needy, desperate, as thirteen years worth of repressed feelings, unexplored passion and sexual frustration poured out of them and into their embrace. Donna couldn't remember ever feeling so overwhelmed with sensation, so desperate, so ready for a man before. But this wasn't any man, this was Harvey. This was an event that was over a decade in the making and she intended to savour every moment. She wanted to imprint every touch, every kiss, every sound into her consciousness, to relish this moment she'd been waiting so long for.

Harvey's body, however, had other ideas. She could already feel him hard and ready underneath her. His hands were roaming, on her neck, in her hair, at her waist, on her thighs. His kisses were potent, heady, threatening to undo her before they'd even truly begun and before she knew it, without conscious thought, her hips were rolling against his and her hands were at his shirt, undoing buttons, needing to feel more of him.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked her, their lips parting momentarily.

"Yes," she told him, "I am."

Hours later, they lay wrapped in each other's arms in his bed, sated and happy.

"Why didn't we do that sooner?" Harvey mumbled, his hand running up and down Donna's arm.

"You weren't ready," she replied. His hand stilled.

"You mean _you_ weren't ready."

She turned to him, her brows knitted in confusion.

"You think it's _my_ fault we haven't been together all this time?"

"You've hidden your feelings from me for years."

"Are you _kidding_ me?"

"No, I'm not." He looked bewildered and Donna couldn't believe he was trying to pin the blame on her.

"You've slept with half the women in New York, Harvey. You dated your _therapist_."

"You're throwing that in my face _now_?"

"You know how wrong that was, don't you? She should never have agreed to it."

"Don't blame her for your unwillingness to tell me how you really felt."

"Unwillingness?" She shifted her position, turning to face him properly.

"You kissed me out of the blue while I was dating her. You could have just told me how you felt but you had to sabotage my relationship instead of admitting what was really going on."

"Are we seriously arguing about this again? I apologised for that, to you _and_ to her, and she still wanted to have me fired!"

"And I told you, I could never fire you."

"No, you just orchestrated my resignation!" Donna threw her hands up, exasperated, angry that he was still not seeing things clearly.

"I thought we were past this, Donna," Harvey sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I can't live without you. I can't work without you. I can't be _me_ without you. How many times do I have to tell you that before you believe it?"

"I _do_ believe it, Harvey." She took his hand, holding it in both of hers. She looked up at his face and then sighed heavily. This was always going to be their issue. They were two passionate, assertive, independent people who both had trouble backing down and admitting when they were wrong.

"I don't even know what we're fighting about right now. How is this ever going to work, Harvey? We piss each other off too much."

"No, we don't." He pushed her hair away from her face, trailing his fingertips along her forehead and she fought not to close her eyes and lean into the touch. "We piss each other off exactly the right amount."

Donna's mouth twisted in a kind of sad amusement. Harvey reached for her face, using his thumb to smooth out the creases in her lips. The moment crackled with sexual tension, despite their earlier lovemaking.

"Please, Harvey." She wanted to kick herself when she heard the pleading tone of her voice as she said his name. She wasn't even sure what she was begging him for, but whatever it was, she needed it desperately.

When he stroked along her lips a second time, Donna's tongue flicked involuntarily inside her mouth and he felt it nudging against his skin. He pushed against her lips, feeling them part as she placed a kiss against the pad of his thumb, a physical innuendo, a promise of things to come.

"We needs to take the passion that we fight with and channel it into…_ other things_." He pressed his thumb inside her mouth, drawing it out as she sucked lightly, her breath hitching as she fought not to lose control, ever the perfectionist, never wanting to let him get the better of her. "Let me show you how good we can be."

Afterwards, she felt boneless, reduced to a pile of skin and muscle, after losing count of the orgasms he'd provided her, overcome with pleasure, relaxed in a way she'd never felt before.

"Have I rendered you speechless?" Harvey teased, watching her eyelids flutter, her chest rising and falling as she caught her breath. Her response wasn't verbal, but he understood the affirmation.

"You can lose control with me." He told her softly, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. "I know who you are. I've seen you at your best and your worst and I love you. I have loved you for a long time, and it took us far too long to get here, but I'm not going to let anything ruin it now." He ran his hand down her neck and along her collarbone, the feeling of her skin intoxicating him. "We're going to fight. We've always fought, and that won't change just because we have changed. But I never want to hurt you again and I need to start by saying I'm sorry for everything that stopped us getting here sooner." His hand continued moving, fingers trailing along her bare arm, reaching her palm and drawing small circles there.

His gaze shifted back to her face, her eyes still closed, features relaxed and he realised she'd fallen asleep. A slow smile spread over his face, her beauty in sleep flooring him.

"I love you, Donna Paulsen. And I'm going to tell you every day for the rest of my life."


End file.
